Wednesday, December 5, 2018
100 Word Challenge Week 13
Sean and Francise were almost ready for Christmas and had bought gifts for Dave (their son) and the rest of the family, all they had to do is wrap all the gifts but they were exhausted after a whole day of shopping for presents at the mall. It was December 21 so it was only four days until Christmas and the nights seemed to be flying by. Before they knew it it was Christmas eve and it as 11pm. They told Dave to go to bed and they finally got pack the parcels containing toys and socks.
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Your story was smooth and you used the prompt very well. I did notice there were a few mistakes in the second last and last sentence. Next time make sure you proof read it and get someone else to check it over.
ReplyDeleteYour story was good and fit the theme of the holiday coming up. I also like how you mentioned socks. I noticed that in one part it said wrap all the gifts. To make it shorter you should've said wrap the gifts.
ReplyDeleteI like the way you worded things. You did said it to times in one sentence. Which I think was a mistake. You just need to re-read your story next time.
ReplyDeleteI liked how you put christmas in your story knowing its so close. I also liked how you had nice long sentences. one thing I think you could change is to add a little more to the end like what did Sean and Francise get their son Dave
ReplyDeleteI liked how you made it flow nicely and how you used the words "flying by", but you could have gotten rid of the brackets for "their son" and kept it part of the sentence.
ReplyDeletei like the way your story ran but there were a few mistakes in the last two sentences. Just make sure you re-read your story next time.
ReplyDelete